I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
