how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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