I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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