this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A bitchslap is in order.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
