True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
