I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
