I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
