Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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