would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do vagina's smell?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
