I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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