And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
