I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
