Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
