omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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