We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
