i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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