Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ketchup is God's man juice
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
