Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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