i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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