please come you make the beer taste better
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
