I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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