I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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