So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
