whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
