Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
