HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Houston, we have a blender
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
