dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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