She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
