i think my mom watched the whole time
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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