i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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