So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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