I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
