so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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