Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
