Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
