How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
