dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize