Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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