Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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