i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
