Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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