Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
