Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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