Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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