I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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