wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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