What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
