it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
