I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
