I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
