I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
