I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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