Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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