I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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