woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
