just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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