dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
