God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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