im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
