it was like his penis was on wheels.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
