After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize