Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
