areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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