I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no, he came in my armpit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
