They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
