had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
