so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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