So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
