That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i think i just lost a toe
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
