I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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