I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
